Sunday 15 August 2010

The First World War as a pub fight

The First World War, explained
as a pub fight...........
Germany, Austria and Italy are
stood together in the middle of
the pub, when Serbia bumps
into Austria, and spills Austria's
Austria demands Serbia buy it
a complete new suit, because
there are splashes on its
trouser leg.
Germany expresses its support
for Austria's point of view
Britain recommends that
everyone calm down a bit.
Serbia points out that it can't
afford a whole suit, but offers
to pay for cleaning Austria's
Russia and Serbia look at
Austria asks Serbia who it's
looking at.
Russia suggests that Austria
should leave its little brother
Austria inquires as to whose
army will assist Russia in
compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain
that France has been looking at
it, and that this is sufficiently
out of order that Britain should
not intervene.
Britain replies that France can
look at who it wants to, that
Britain is looking at Germany
too, and what is Germany
going to do about it?
Germany tells Russia to stop
looking at Austria, or Germany
will render Russia incapable of
such action.
Britain and France ask Germany
whether it's looking at
Turkey and Germany go off
into a corner and whisper.
When they come back, Turkey
makes a show of not looking
at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves,
looks at France, and punches
France and Britain punch
Germany. Austria punches
Russia. Germany punches
Britain and France with one
hand and Russia with the
Russia throws a punch at
Germany, but misses and
nearly falls over. Japan calls
over from the other side of the
room that it's on Britain's side,
but stays there. Italy surprises
everyone by punching Austria.
Australia punches Turkey, and
gets punched back. There are
no hard feelings, because
Britain made Australia do it.
France gets thrown through a
plate glass window, but gets
back up and carries on fighting.
Russia gets thrown through
another one, gets knocked out,
suffers brain damage, and
wakes up with a complete
personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria
and misses, but Austria falls
over anyway. Italy raises both
fists in the air and runs round
the room chanting.
America waits till Germany is
about to fall over from
sustained punching from
Britain and France, then walks
over and smashes it with a
barstool, then pretends it won
the fight all by itself.
By now all the chairs are
broken, and the big mirror over
the bar is shattered. Britain,
France and America agree that
Germany threw the first punch,
so the whole thing is
Germany's fault . While
Germany is still unconscious,
they go through its pockets,
steal its wallet, and buy drinks
for all their friends.

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