Thursday 11 February 2010

Wetherspoons to open in Chavertillery

The northern fringes of the Gwent tundra are to be further improved with the opening of yet another chav palace. JD Wetherspoons will be opening their new pub, the Pontlottyn in Chavertillery  Abertillery on Friday 12th Febuary, provided supplies of alcopops have survived the convoys to reach the Gwent valleys.  Conviently situated within walking distance of the Jobcentre Plus and Tattoo Parlour, the Pontlottyn is sure to shut down a few pubs in Abertillery, as the locals migrate to the open-plan zebu serving cheap chav palace instead of their usual smack-selling pubs.
Brew Wales sent their roving reporter to Abertillery this week to ask the locals what they thought about the new pub:
"It's fooking crucial like mon", said Brian 22, unemployed, "Cos we like now a proper town innit like the 'Port or Cradiff or even Ebbw Vale. I been to Ebbw Vale 'spoons and it real posh like cos they puts yer lager in a glass right, not like out of can like what they does in pubs around 'ere".
Brian's partner, Stacey, age 20 and a mother of 4 said, " I luvs the 'spoons, the pops are so cheap an I gets plastered on them and then gets preggers with my little babes. Me and my mates can bring our kiddies in the pub all day like and sit there and drink the 'pops and the little ones can run round the pub all day. it's going to be fookin great".
Semi-retired drug dealer and now illegal tobacco salesman Paul, 62, said, "It's another outlet for my chinese-made fags. The more customers in a pub the more chance I have of selling tobacco, pst want some Superkings?"

Pub manager Jane Merralls says she is looking forward to welcoming customers into The Pontlottyn.

“I am confident that it will be a good addition to Abertillery’s social scene,” she said.

Somerset Street
NP13 1DJ

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